Thursday 16 August 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Daily Mail photographer zooms in on 18-year-old girl’s cracking pair of academic achievements


exam results day

The Daily Mail and other newspapers are taking their opportunity to “celebrate” an 18-year-old women’s “A-Level results” today.

Media outlets nationwide are sending their perviest photographers to find the most buxom A-Level recipients they can, and encouraging them to jump in the air wherever possible.

“Thaaaaat’s it…heh heh hehhhhh…” said photographer, Simon Williams, after encouraging one young lady to stick her arse out a bit more while clutching her A and two Bs in Psychology, Politics and Theatre Studies.

“What?” he said, looking at us questioning his motives.

“There’s absolutely nothing weird about this. I’m taking photos of people getting their A-Level results because it’s A-Level results day and it’s newsworthy and it’s my job to take photos of newsworthy subjects.

“The fact that I never book a family holiday for this week in August so that I can ensure I’m always sat outside a school with a long lens camera on results day is perfectly normal behaviour.

“The boys? No, I won’t be wasting my time taking any photographs of them. The, err, lighting isn’t right for that today.”

“Right…girls, if you can all jump up in the air for me while I turn on the slow-motion video…lurrrrrrvely…that’s perfect.”

18-year-old student, Hayley Rice, said, “I’m not conventionally attractive, so Simon hasn’t come anywhere near me, which has been nice.

“Looking forward to seeing the photos of my friends alongside pervy-not-pervy headlines such as “no double-Ds here!” or some such other drivel.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!

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