Thursday 16 August 2018 by Lucas Wilde

A-Levels getting easier/Children getting smarter (delete according to preference)


Exam results good or lucky

More than one in four A-Levels were graded at A or a* this year, according to reports this morning.

This means the tests are too easy or the kids are smarter than you were, leading to educational leaders everywhere to either call for the tests to be made harder or for us all to shut up and appreciate the fact that some whip-smart young people will be running our nursing homes.

“The results this morning prove that this is either a national disgrace or truly fantastic news for the country,” said headmaster, Simon Williams.

“The children in our education system have either got incredibly lucky, or they’ve been working their socks off to achieve their results. I have to say, I’m either very shocked or very proud of them.

“I would either like to see the tests get harder in future, or for our children continue to be this smart, depending on which suggestion is the right one.

“Either way, the good news is that it keeps those pricks from Ofsted out of my arse for another year.”

A-Level student, Hayley Rice, said, “I either can’t believe my luck or I’m glad all of my hours of diligent revision have finally paid off.

“I’m looking forward to going to either Oxford University or North Anglian Polytechnic.

“But that’s for tomorrow. Tonight I will either be having a quiet celebratory dinner with my parents or going to a raucous house party to have either safe or unsafe sex with either Peter or Jack.”

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