Wednesday 15 August 2018 by Daniel Hopkins

Northern Grandma beats up entire Southern pub


Old Lady takes on southern pub

A northern Grandma laid waste to an entire East end pub last night after getting into a fight with a group of men.

Jenny Cottrill, 78, was visiting her grandson in the capital when the pair stopped by a pub called ‘The Maroon Lion’.

Her grandson, Rob, accidentally knocked into local hardman ‘Big’ John Johnson, spilling his pint all over the former doorman and celebrity bodyguard.

Johnson, who claimed to have been an associate of the Krays despite being twelve at the time both of them died, immediately saw red.

As Johnson and his friends went to “sort him out”, Jenny leapt up from her seat and proceeded to shout “piss off you gravy neglecting muppets” before landing a flying kick to Johnson, knocking him out.

As the entire pub turned on her, Jenny produced what was described by witness Simon Williams as a “scrap for the ages”.

He said, “She was just clearing them out one by one. The lads were flying all over.

“You know that scene in Game of Thrones where they slaughter all those people at the wedding? That looked child-friendly in comparison to this.

“Afterward you couldn’t tell where the blood ended and the floor began. It was like a blue-rinsed version of John Wick. I will never, ever mess with an old lady from north of Watford ever again.”

However, it was understood Jenny was subject to ridicule once back in the north, as she broke a nail during the fight, with one friend describing her as a “mard arse”.

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