Tuesday 14 August 2018 by Ian Wood

Government grateful to car crash outside Westminster for distracting people from the car crash inside Westminster


Westminster, parliament, terror attack

The government has this morning expressed its gratitude to the car crash outside Westminster for distracting the nation from the car crash currently unfolding inside the building.

As police admitted the incident was being treated as a potential terrorist attack, ministers breathed a huge sigh of relief in anticipation of a few hours respite where their every move wasn’t criticised for the calamity it so clearly is.

“Everyone is rushing around looking for bad news to bury,” explained one Whitehall source.

“With Brexit, the homelessness figures, economic forecasts, Boris being Boris and the guys at the bank of England opening their massive mouths all the time, this couldn’t have come at a better time.

“I’m not saying terrorism is a good thing, but when it’s executed as poorly as this attack, I think we should all be grateful for the enormously helpful distraction.

“Just have a look at Twitter, it’s currently a frothing mass of far-right ‘personalities’ advocating closing the borders and extraditing all Muslims – which will keep everyone occupied for a few hours. Thank god.”

Meanwhile, one such frothing far-right personality has wasted no time in using the car crash to draw attention to how important they think they should be.

“Look at me look at me!” they tweeted upon hearing the news of the incident this morning.

“Here I am, still talking about brown people and this was a brown person!” they helpfully added, in case you were unsure of the angle they were taking.

“Yes, there are no life-threatening injuries in this attack, and far more people will be killed on London’s roads this week than by terrorists, but don’t let this stop you getting angry at the foreigners!” they pleaded, before drifting off into obscurity once again.

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