Friday 10 August 2018 by Neil Tollfree

No sanction for BBC’s Carol Kirkwood over ‘hot as f*ck’ weather forecast


Carol Kirkwood hot as fuck

The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’

She used the phrase during an outside broadcast on a hill in the Norfolk last Friday morning in response to a question from colleague Dan Walker.

“And now to Carol for the weather,” said the blandly attractive Walker.

“Carol, it looks a bit warm where you are?”

“That’s right Dan,” she responded chirpily.

“It’s hot as fuck.”

“I’m sorry?” replied a visibly shocked, yet still boyishly handsome Walker.

“Hot. As. Fuck.” She repeated, forcefully.

“Bastard hot. Shitting hot. Hotter than Satan’s balls. So hot, if you threw an egg in the air it would fry before it landed. So hot that if you go outside, you’ll catch fire, then melt and die. It is abso-fucking-lutely fucking hot as fucking fuck.”

“I see,” stammered Walker, fetchingly.

“Um, so is there any detail on the forecast for-”

“No. Hot as fuck. Probably some rain in Scotland and the North, I mean, I haven’t checked but it’s a fair assumption. Now, balls to you lot, I’m going to get off this God-forsaken blasted bastard heath and try and find somewhere in this hellish backwater with air-conditioning and a decent supply of Soleros.”

She then dropped the mic and stalked off muttering about being a proper scientist, not a performing puffin.

The BBC has issued a statement saying there would be no sanction for Miss Kirkwood because “after an investigation, we have discovered that in Norfolk on Friday morning, it was indeed hot as fuck.”

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