Wednesday 8 August 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Royal Family sold to America as part of Brexit panic-fund


Royal family sold to the USA

The Queen and her family are being packed into boxes to help save the nation.

Following various reports from various experts (them again) which suggest that Britain will be fucked into all kinds of tin hats after Brexit takes place, the decision was made to sell the Royals to the USA, who are absolutely obsessed with them.

“Yeah, very sad,” said palace worker, Simon Williams, nailing Prince Philip’s shipping box firmly shut before drilling in a couple of air holes.

“But I suppose sacrifices have to be made, and this is one of them. I hope they enjoy their new lives in America and that the Kardashians don’t try to make friends with them.

“It’s a shame we couldn’t put them on the plane but we have to cut costs as much as possible now, so FedEx it is.

“Excuse me, I need to find a big enough box for Prince William’s entire family. They insisted on travelling together.”

Government spokesperson, Elizabeth King, said, “We have secured £32 billion by selling off the royals.

“That’s four DUP deals and enough change left over to host the first three days of the world cup. It’s tremendous value and will really help when the post-Brexit times come and we have to pay through the nose for a chlorinated chicken.

“We’re also planning to sell off the Tower of London. We’ve already had interest from Sports Direct. They’re offering £400million and one of those massive coffee mugs.”

Citizen, Hayley Rice, said, “This is heartbreaking.

“I’ve got a dozen tea towels with various royals all over them. Now they just look silly.”

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