Wednesday 8 August 2018 by Lucas Wilde

‘Remember when acting like a f*ckwit would COST you votes?’ asks nostalgic older man


old man remembers when being a fuckwit lost you votes

An older man is wistfully reflecting on a time in his life when politicians won elections by acting like decent human beings trying to do the right thing for everyone.

In the wake of recent Islamaphobic comments by Boris Johnson and pretty much everything Donald Trump has ever said, some older people are looking back on the good old days when politicians would at least pretend to be nice people.

“Harold Wilson, there was a good one,” said Simon Williams, aged 79.

“He was a nice gentleman with good intentions who smoked a pipe. It was like listening to your granddad, but not one who was always saying racist things or anything. People seemed to like him, and that’s why they voted for him.

“He wasn’t perfect, obviously, but at least he didn’t threaten to burn down the cricket pavilion in order to win votes. Such a shame that MI5 had him killed, it really is.

“Now you’ve got all these new kids on the block who like to say these dreadful things and the people seem to lap them up. It’s all jolly sad.

“People today seem to think that being deliberately offensive is some sort of act of rebellion, like a badge of honour, even though nobody is stopping them from doing it.

“If you want to be offensive, that’s fine, knock yourself out – go and get your willy out on the Graham Norton show or whatever, but stay out of politics.”

Williams then sighed and returned to his bag of Werther’s Originals and 1981 Beano annual.

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