Wednesday 8 August 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Ban on eating dog meat causes post-Brexit rethink in government


man eating dog post-Brexit

A proposal to ban the eating of dog meat has caused a major rethink of plans for a post-Brexit Britain.

Whilst it is currently illegal to breed dogs for their meat or to buy and sell dog meat, it is still permissible to eat the meat of a dog that is legally owned, a loophole that the Government hoped to exploit during the post-Brexit food shortages that now seem inevitable.

“Whilst I think descriptions of post-Brexit Britain as an irradiated wasteland with bands of savages fighting over the last pot of Shipham’s meat paste are an exaggeration,” said Minister for Brexit and leading prick Dominic Raab, “It is fair to say that we were relying on people being willing to kill and eat the family dog as a means to tide over any food-shortages that may occur.  Because, as a Government, we don’t really understand how the agricultural and food industries work.

“I suppose we should have googled it before we started all this but, well, we are where we are.”

Mr Raab is already considering alternatives to eating dog after Brexit.

“Well, I suppose there’s cat, isn’t there? Although cats are quite small, so there won’t be quite as much to go round.

“You might want to take a look at your family and if you do have a sickly and weak child, ask yourself if he’s ever going to contribute anything more to society than being a hearty Sunday lunch with plenty of leftovers.”

Mr Raab urged people not to worry though, because even if plans to eat dog, cat, or a sickly child fall through, the Government has a backup Brexit plan to fall back on.

“Oh yes, the backup plan is for Britain to divide up into bands of savages and fight over the last pot of Shipham’s meat paste in an irradiated wasteland.

“Sovereignty!”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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