Tuesday 7 August 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Confusion and despair as man ages a year


man sad on birthday

A man was left reeling after it became apparent that, due to circumstances beyond his control, he had aged a year.

The Brighton man, who preferred to remain anonymous, is currently recuperating after his horrifying ordeal.

“It was just… so brutal,” said the clearly shaken man.

“I’d woken up as normal one morning and was preparing to go to work when, without any sort of warning, I just aged a whole year.”

Friends and family immediately stepped in to offer aid to the stricken man.

He went on, “Apparently the treatment for this sort of thing is a course of beer and cake, so they took me to the pub with one of those caterpillar cakes from Markses.”

The treatment offered some immediate relief, but the effects appear to have been temporary.

“Well, I guess it sort of induced a feeling of relaxation and well-being at the time I was actually eating the cake and drinking the beer, but the next day, if anything, I felt worse, just a feeling of extreme self-loathing and thirst.”

The man now has a new plan to deal with the situation.

“I just think that it must be some sort of administrative error, so I’m going to try and find out who deals with this and see if I can get whole ageing-one-year thing reversed.”

More than anything though, the man is troubled by one particular concern.

“What if the same thing happens again next year, and the year after?” he asked, eyes wide with fear at the prospect.

“Christ, that would be awful.”

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