Monday 6 August 2018 by Lucas Wilde

“We’re definitely right” say agnostics


Man unsure if God is real or not

Agnostics don’t know either way, which is the correct answer, according to a statement from the group this morning.

As atheists and monotheists continue to shriek at each other at an increasingly loud volume over whether there is, or is not a God watching over everything, agnostics quietly made their point from their comfy chair positioned on top of the fence.

“Look, my position is fairly straightforward. I don’t know if God exists, and that statement can’t be disproven,” pointed out agnostic, Simon Williams.

“I don’t know much about science but I’m pretty sure that means I’ve won the debate.”

“The evidence on the believers’ side is basically a load of old stories, which is pretty weak, and the non-believers are literally stuck trying to prove a negative.  As such, my position is the only sensible one.”

Atheist, Jay Cooper, said, “Ugh, bloody fence-sitters.

“They never get stuck in on Facebook. How are you supposed to get anyone riled up by saying ‘I’m can’t be sure either way’? It’s just daft.

“At least I stick to my convictions when I call people retarded for believing in Jesus.

“I don’t know how Simon can look at all the available evidence and not completely agree with me.”

Christian, Hayley Rice, said, “I agree with Jay, which is rare.

“I don’t know how Simon can look at all the available evidence and not completely agree with me.

“That said, a base hatred of agnosticism is about the only thing that brings Jay and me together.

“Imagine if God was unsure of anything one way or another? He’d never have drowned everyone with that big flood.”

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