Monday 6 August 2018 by Gary Stanton

Muslim women advised on correct form of dress by man totally unable to dress himself


Boris Hat scruffy

Muslim women were criticised today for wearing the burqa by a buffoon who resembles a cross between Dougal from the Magic Roundabout and a fucked-up Nazi breeding experiment.

Boris Johnson used his Telegraph column to lash out at Muslim women for wearing the burqa and niqab, while neglecting to mention that he is still dressed every morning by his childhood nanny.

“Muslim women look like letterboxes – the old-fashioned kind before we privatised them all,” Johnson wrote moments before hitting ‘Send’ and spilling egg down his shirt.

The formerly incompetent Foreign Secretary was later roundly criticised for irresponsibly ‘fanning the flames of Islamophobia during a hosepipe ban’.

Johnson’s outburst was understood to be the result of him being upset after a passer-by stopped him in the street and offered to straighten his tie.

He went on to say that he expected Muslims to remove their face coverings when talking to him at his MP’s surgery and if they wouldn’t mind bringing along an iron.

Muslim woman, Salma Will-Hamsa, said, “I agree that it’s very important to look someone in the eye when talking to them, but that’s very difficult if a person’s face is obscured by a mop of blond hair because they’ve always relied on others to fucking comb it for them.

“Additionally, I wear the burqa not for religious reasons – it’s so that I won’t be exposed to a full view of that scruffy bastard.

“When I do actually want some fashion advice, I’d prefer to take it from a man who can remember to wipe his arse before tucking his shirt back in.”

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