Monday 6 August 2018 by Chris Ballard

‘F*ck it, that’ll do’ says dishwasher


dishwasher says 'fuck it that'll do'

A dishwasher has cleaned about eighty per cent of the crockery it was given and believes that’s basically good enough.

The time-saving kitchen appliance spent the best part of an hour making hissing and gurgling noises in an attempt to seem hard at work. However, when owner Simon Williams went to unload it he found that the cleaning was ‘half-arsed’ at best.

“Some of the plates were actually dirtier than when they went in,” he said.

“I know it’s not the most interesting job in the world but if you’re not even motivated to do the basics then you should probably go and train to be a fridge or something.”

The dishwasher has defended itself again’st accusations of laziness.

“I can only work with what I’m given,” it said.

“Do you think Simon rinses things before loading me up? Of course not – he seems to think I’m a fucking bin.

“Half of my plumbing is clogged up with uneaten rice and mashed up carrot – it’s impossible to spray out my water effectively. When Simon’s older and gets prostate trouble he might appreciate how I feel.

“I also only seem to get turned on once I contain every single item of crockery that Simon owns. It’s not easy to clean a bowl if there’s another bowl actually inside it.

“As for the awful flavour tablets he keeps feeding me…Jesus! I keep spitting them out but he doesn’t get the message. You try operating at peak level while sucking on a lemon.”

Unfortunately, Simon still isn’t happy.

“The standard of cleaning is so bad that I’m seriously considering not using the dishwasher at all and just washing things up myself.”

The dishwasher laughed so hard at this that its plumbing temporarily flowed freely.

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