Friday 3 August 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Jacob Rees-Mogg assures public he’ll be fine in event of no-deal Brexit


Jacob Rees-Mogg on no-deal Brexit

Leading anti-EU campaigner and tremendous bastard Jacob Rees-Mogg has sought to quell anxiety about the prospect of a no-deal Brexit by assuring the public that he will be absolutely fine in such an event.

The backbench Tory had just paid a boy a shiny sixpence for cleaning his chimney when he addressed the press to talk about the current no-deal fears.

“I do recognise that there is considerable concern about the prospect of Brexit taking place with any arrangement with the EU,” he said.

“But I am really quite wealthy, I have a delightful house in the country, I can afford to pay hugely inflated prices for everyday household goods without really noticing.

“I’ll be fine.”

The public breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“Thank heaven for that,” said Simon Williams, an unemployed cat worrier from Staines.

“I genuinely was getting concerned that Mr Rees-Mogg would have to keep 600 tins of baked beans in the kids’ rooms like the rest of us.

“Knowing that his vast wealth means that a no-deal Brexit won’t really impact him is just one less thing to worry about.

“No, if you’ll excuse me, the wife’s sent me out for a load of Shipham’s meat paste and some tins of toast toppers for the stockpile.”

It is hoped that the likes of Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson will follow Mr Rees-Mogg’s example, and assure the public that their vast wealth will protect them in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

That would be a great relief to all.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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