Friday 3 August 2018 by Chris Ballard

Heatwave forces Jacob Rees-Mogg to sleep without his nightcap on


Jacob Rees-Mogg in night cap

Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg is abandoning his Victorian values as the British heatwave continues to blight the nation.

It’s been reported that the MP for North East Somerset has thrown caution to the wind and is sleeping with a stark naked head.

It is thought, however, that he is still maintaining some semblance of decency by continuing to wear his flannel nightshirt and woollen bed socks underneath his night smock.

Simon Williams, one of Rees-Mogg’s household servants, said, “Yeah, it’s like he’s gone a bit mad with heat.

“It’s affecting everyone, obviously, but I work in his bedchamber, so, unfortunately, I’ve seen everything – his ears, the back of his head, the lot!

“He won’t entertain any ‘vulgar contraptions’ like an electric fan, so my job is to kneel at the bottom of his bed blowing air up his nightie. The money’s good but I ain’t half dizzy come the morning.

“Still, he tips me well and I get Sundays off.”

Williams went on to describe how Mrs Rees-Mogg goes even further when the temperature reaches something foreign.

He explained, “She waits until she’s sure Jacob’s asleep and then she takes everything off! Completely starkers she is.

“Trouble is, this morning Jacob woke for a piss at half five. Well, this time of year it’s light ain’t it? He saw his wife as no husband ever should and immediately fainted!

“Turns out he had no idea women had pubic hair!

“Which is weird, ain’t it? You know, given that he’s such a big cunt himself.”

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