Thursday 2 August 2018 by Pete Redfern

Nicking crown jewels then getting away in a speedboat is admittedly pretty cool, concede Swedish police


swedish police impressed by crown jewels theft

Swedish police investigating the theft of priceless crown jewels have reluctantly conceded that the crime itself is pretty damn cool, in all fairness.

The jewels, which belong to the Swedish royal family and are more than four hundred years old, were snatched in broad daylight from a cathedral by the thieves, who then made their getaway on a speedboat, presumably under the guidance of someone who looks a bit like George Clooney.

Chief of police Simon Williamsson told reporters at the scene, “Whilst we are extremely angry that these priceless jewels – a part of Swedish history – have been stolen, you have to admire the sheer balls the thieves must have in order to pull off such a heist.

“Normally we’re investigating embezzlement and other so-called ‘white collar’ crimes, which are as boring as hell, so this is actually pretty awesome and we’re all a little excited..

“It’s like something out of Ocean’s 11. Well, maybe not that good – maybe Ocean’s 8. But still, it’s pretty cool to pull off a heist without hurting anyone at all and to then make your getaway in a speedboat.

“It could only have been more kick-ass and awesome if they’d used a jet-pack or hoverboard, and said something cool as they left, like ‘we are the kings of crime’ or something like that.”

Hastily frowning he added, “Ahem, but of course we are now devoting all our efforts to catching these bastards to ensure the full weight of the law is brought down upon their totally rad shoulders.”

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