Monday 30 July 2018 by Chris Ballard

Theresa May on walking holiday but only because EU taxis won’t stop for her


Theresa May on walking holiday

The Prime Minister is being forced to spend her Italian holiday walking because none of the local drivers will let her into their vehicles.

Mrs May has claimed that she’s a keen walker but her husband Philip has now revealed the truth.

“It’s the same shitty holiday as last year,” he said. “We have to walk for miles and miles because everyone thinks she’s a bitch.

“We’re staying at Lake Garda and we can’t even go on a bloody boat trip because the crews keep threatening to throw her overboard.

“This is why Theresa cites ‘the views’ whenever she’s asked what it is she likes about a place – we can’t actually visit anything, we just have to look at it all from a distance.”

One almost feels sorry for the woman who didn’t really want to leave the EU in the first place. On the other hand, several Tory Brexiters have childishly shunned Europe entirely when planning their holidays.

Liam Fox is on a walking on tip-toes holiday to Japan. Being a short-arse he wanted to go to a country where he can actually be a man of stature.

Meanwhile, Jacob Rees-Mogg has gone on a slithering holiday to the United States where he will be touring the Bible Belt and exchanging toxic views with local residents. It’s understood he’s booked his family onto the KKK experience – an educational theme park based on the philosophies of Neo-Fascism and Anti-Europeanism.

Closer to home, Michael Gove is spending his summer break in Scotland, on a ‘sitting inside watching the rain out of the window’ holiday. This is contrary to the advice of a number of travel agents who warned him about the likelihood of terrible weather.

For some reason, Mr Gove chose to ignore their expert opinions.

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