Monday 30 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

“She has those weird eyes you lot have” says Jeremy Hunt of Chinese wife


Jeremy Hunt Chinese Japanse

Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt has made a terrible gaffe regarding the heritage of his Chinese wife, because of course he has.

The newly-appointed Foreign Secretary suggested that his wife was Japanese when she is, in fact, Chinese, a mistake common amongst sheltered, privileged toffs who harbour the sub-conscious assumption that East-Asians are basically all the same.

“Then he pulled his eyes slightly sideways and said ‘her eyes look like that, anyway’, it was a hideous gaffe,” confirmed journalist, Simon Williams who was present during the incident.

“The Foreign Secretary has showed he has as much a flair for tactful diplomacy as he does for maintaining a robust and efficient National Health Service.”

“I mean we all knew he’d make some sort of hideous fuck-up fairly quickly, but I personally had a bet on late August. He’s surpassed even my wildest expectations in the field of embarrassment.

“And to think there were people out there who didn’t think he could follow an act like Boris Johnson. Well, as of today he’s leaving him in the dust.”

Speaking to reporters after the incident, Jeremy Hunt said, “I can only apologise profusely for my error.

“Anyone that knows me personally will know that I have great respect for the Chinese, going so far as to marry one.

“For many many I have greatly admired everything the Chinese people have done for the world, from beef chow mein to…er… everything else…

“JACKIE CHAN! Yes, that’s a good one. He’s just terrific. Well done for him.”

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