Monday 30 July 2018 by Gary Stanton

Geraint Thomas wins Tour de France without indicating once


Geraint Thomas Tour de France

Geraint Thoma has won his first Tour de France without once bothering to fucking indicate, according to reports this morning.

Thomas beat off the challenge of second-placed Dutch cyclist, Tom Dumoulin, who made the fatal mistake of stopping for a red light.

The cycling ace left the rest of the field behind while screaming at pedestrians who dared to get within ten metres of him.

Although ample cycle paths are provided along the Tour de France route, Thomas and other cyclists still chose to ride on roads that were primarily designed for car users.

Vast stretches of the A567 Lyon to Paris had to be cordoned off, leading to lengthy diversions and frayed tempers among other road users.

The arrogant Brit eventually crossed the winning line flanked by eight other cyclists making it very difficult for cars to overtake, seemingly oblivious to the holdup they were creating.

Thomas now plans to take some time off during which he will hopefully learn what a fucking hand signal is.

Angry Audi driver, Simon Williams, said, “They treat these roads like it’s some sort of race track.

“None of them have mirrors on their bikes, but do they so much as glance over their shoulder when veering into the middle of the road? – Do they fuck as like.

“If I drove with the same careless disregard for other road users as they do, I’d lose my licence in the blink of an eye.

“The only yellow jersey I’d get to wear is a bright safety vest while doing my community service.”

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