Saturday 28 July 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Concern over dearth of Brexit analogies


Brexit analogies

There is concern at the highest level of government that Britain may be running short of analogies for Brexit.

Since the EU referendum, politicians on both sides of the debate have been reliant on analogies such has ‘Britain is like a regional branch of Markses that is going to benefit from Brexit’s refurbishment,’ ‘the great steam-engine of Brexit will pull Britain into the world’s fete,’ and, of course, ‘Brexit is like a lovely blancmange.’

However, it seems that with still quite a way to go before Britain actually leaves the EU, we may well be running out of analogies.

“This is a big problem,” said politician Simon Williams.

“We urgently need more analogies. Only yesterday, I was giving a speech on Brexit and referred to Brexit as ‘like a big stick, ready to beat new trade into Britain’.

“I felt like a bloody fool, I can tell you. I mean, it just didn’t make sense, or if it did, I certainly can’t tell if Brexit being like a big stick is a good or bad thing.

“We can’t all be Boris Johnson and just toss off a load of faintly Latin-sounding words and assume no one will check them.”

It is expected that, in the coming days, the government will establish a cross-party department for Brexit analogies.

“I should hope so to,” said Mr Williams.

“The last decent analogy I heard was that ‘Brexit is Luke Skywalker poised to blow up the EU death star’.

“To be honest, though. That was problematic. I’m fairly sure that the honourable gentlemen for Bridlington thought that Luke Skywalker might have been the new UKIP leader.”

Mr Williams’ biggest concern was that the government wouldn’t move fast enough over the analogy crisis.

“That’s the key,” he confirmed.

“If we go on much longer without any top-drawer analogies, people might think we don’t know what we’re doing.

“After all, Brexit is like a pig riding a tractor to Norwich and…oh bugger it.”

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