Friday 27 July 2018 by Redfern

Millions report to their GP with symptoms of whatever it is that is treated with weed


GP asked for weed

Doctor’s surgeries have this morning been inundated with patients who feel a touch of whatever it is that can be treated with medicinal cannabis coming on.

Following a number of high profile cases and the announcement of the news that medicinal cannabis will be reclassified and made available on the NHS from the autumn, GP practices across the land have reported that this morning has seen millions of patients booking appointments for somewhat vague reasons.

Dr Simon Williams, a GP from Canterbury told us, “Our appointments are fully booked for today and all of next week, and the waiting room is now full of people in their teens and early twenties who appear at first glance to be entirely healthy.

“And a lot of them, when they come in to see me, can’t articulate exactly what it is that is wrong with them. They just start frantically Googling something on their phone and then name a condition seemingly at random.”

One patient, investment banker Christopher James told us, “I’m a genuine patient, honest.

“When I woke up this morning I swear I felt a twinge of, er, what is it – glaucoma, I think – and that needs some weed to make it better, I think I heard somewhere. It’s just a coincidence that I developed the symptoms on the day the announcement was made about medicinal cannabis.

“Honest.”

The convenience store next to the GP surgery has also reported a marked increase in the sale of crisps and cookies since the announcement.

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