Thursday 26 July 2018 by Gary Stanton

Dr Legg forced out of retirement by NHS staff shortages


Dr Legg to Return

A 92-year-old East End doctor has been forced back to work to meet chronic shortages within the NHS.

Dr Harold Legg, who formerly ran a practice in London’s Albert Square, received a late-night phone call from rookie Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, begging him to return at once to twelve-hour shifts in a bid to save the NHS

In addition to an unbearable workload for a nonagenarian, the beleaguered medic will be responsible for controlling his own budget, much of which will be spent on treating local hypochondriac Dot Cotton.

The lovable family doctor’s skills have been sorely missed and he is widely recognised as the first GP to offer Mark Fowler a blood test.

However, much has changed in the intervening years and Dr Legg will be expected to do more for less, all while learning how to operate a computer.

Legg’s patient, Dot Cotton, who has a number of complex medical issues, said, “Oh Dr Legg thank gawd you’re back. My angina’s been giving me some right old jip and that’s not the half of it.

“Perhaps when you’re done you can take a look at me haemorrhoids. They’ve been playin’ up something rotten.

“What do you mean I’ll have to wait three weeks for an appointment? I could be dead by then.”

Legg meanwhile offered Mrs Cotton an Internet consultation as soon as he can figure out how to work the fucker.

He added, “If you think things were bad in the 1980s, you should see them now. I’m having to deal with over a hundred patients every single day.

“I’m afraid house calls really are a thing of the past. Now take these antibiotics, you dreary old bat.”

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