Tuesday 24 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

UK and USA military combine forces to destroy the sun


sun under attack

The Western world is sick of the sun’s attempts to kill it.

Military forces from both the UK and the USA will be launching surgical strikes on the sun at midnight.

“Enough of this shit,” said General Troy Striker, leader of the combined force.

“The sun is determined to kill us all. Well, not on my watch. Not on my earth. Not in my pants.

“Americans can’t move in this heat and Britons simply can’t sustain that number of barbecues. Something has to be done, and I’m exactly the kind of son-of-a-bitch to do it.

“We’ve planned this to the last detail. We know the sun is up during the day, so we’re going in at night, when it’s asleep.

“I want boots on the ground of the sun by 0200 tomorrow morning.”

British soldier, Jay Cooper, said, “I know I’m supposed to blindly follow the orders given to me by my superiors, but I do have a few questions.

“Couldn’t we just give everybody one of those fancy Dyson fans? The mother-in-law has one and she’s not moaned about the heat since.”

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