Tuesday 24 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Legoland melts


Legoland

Thanks to the unrelenting effects of the sun, Legoland is just a massive puddle now.

In the wake of temperatures that have left everybody wondering what the hell they’re doing at work, the popular tourist attraction has been reduced from an overpriced world of plastic-bricked wonder to an overpriced viscous liquid.

“It’s been a bit of a shock, yeah,” understated Legoland employee, Simon Williams.

“I got to work this morning ready and raring for another day of telling children not to touch anything, and when I got out of the car I was met with nothing but an empty wasteland and the smell of molten plastic.

“It’s what I imagine the north looks and smells like.

“We are still open, but we’re advising everybody to wear wellington boots.

“Hm? What’s that? A discount? Haha, fuck off.”

Mother, Elizabeth King, said, “This is hardly good value.

“When I was paying £50 per person for me, my husband and four children to walk around and look at plastic bricks, that was good value, but this isn’t.

“Oh well. Hopefully the fumes from all the melted plastic will make the children sleepy.”

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