Monday 23 July 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Jacob Rees-Mogg confident post-Brexit dystopian wasteland will only last three or four generations


Jacob Rees-Mogg on dystopian future for Britain

Jacob Rees-Mogg, the lovably well-to-do social media star and complete shit, has sought to reassure people concerned about a no-deal Brexit by claiming that the dystopian wasteland that will inevitably be triggered by leaving the EU should last no more than three or four generations.

“Yes, there will be a period of scavenging for survival in a Britain that resembles a post-apocalyptic wasteland,” said Mr Rees-Mogg in an interview given from a massive stately home that, one assumes, he owns.

“But I can’t see that lasting more than three or four generations, and then I’m certain that, as a country, we’ll really start to come into our own.”

Many experts are now predicting a no-deal Brexit, followed by a swift break-down in society as people are unable to obtain essentials like wine and cheese.

The UK will then splinter into thousands of brutal factions fighting swift and savage wars for the last bottle of Chianti Reserva in Waitrose.

The landscape will become a dusty wasteland as buildings are destroyed in the Chianti wars, and the British people will live lives of endless toil as they battle to grow tins of baked beans.

“Look, nobody ever said that Brexit wouldn’t trigger a complete collapse of society in Britain, that was made very clear in the campaign,” continued Mr Rees-Mogg.

“But it will surely be no more than a hundred years or so before we start to cohere once again into a civilised society.

“Anyone who says different is simply talking down Britain.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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