Saturday 21 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Worst conversation topic officially “I had the weirdest dream last night”


bored conversation

Nobody has ever had a good time hearing about your dream.

A mass survey has taken in over 10,000 topics of conversation in order to determine which ones are most looked forward to and which ones are met with the most dread.

“And the knowledge you’re about to hear about a random set of illusions is the most feared”, confirmed Dr Simon Williams.

“There is absolutely nothing you can do with that entirely one-way conversation except go “ooh”, “wow” and “how bizarre”. You’ll make all the sounds you might make during a trip to the zoo but without the fun bit of seeing any animals.

“You will be standing there and listening to some nonsense for a good four minutes, four minutes that you could have spent doing something more productive, like boiling an egg or having the best part of a wank.”

Citizen, Jay Cooper, said, “one of my colleagues decided to tell me about a dream she had the other night.

“Something about an elephant wearing her slippers and then suddenly the elephant was Harrison Ford and he wouldn’t stop laughing, and then her dead granddad came in shouting ‘hide the beetroot!’ while wearing a dress.

“Her version went on for much longer, but those are the highlights.

“I wanted to die for the entire duration.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: