Thursday 19 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Man disappears on way to work after realising that he can


Man disappears

A man has disappeared after realising how easy that is.

Simon Williams, 32, works in marketing in an office in Sleaford and spends eight hours a day staring at a computer screen until an older man tells him to go for lunch or to go home.

“And I worked out I don’t actually have to do that,” said Simon, walking along the Devon coastline in his bare feet.

“You know we’ve all got cars. We can go literally anywhere and we choose to go to an office or a factory or wherever we spend our days doing something we’d as soon not do. That is fucking mental when you think about it for five minutes.

“No, I’m done. I have no plan here, but I’ve had plans all my life and all that got me was a tiny cubicle in an office in Sleaford and what I’m quite sure is the start of an ulcer.

“I was thinking about selling seashells by the seashore but, even with my new sense of hippyness, that’s actually a terrible business model. No wonder the market leader had to diversify into tongue twisters.”

Simon’s boss, Jay Cooper, said “Ugh. Simon’s gone missing again has he? He did this before and it turned out he tried to open a beetroot farm somewhere in Kent.

“It’s just a phase that seems to come about when it’s particularly warm and sunny out. I assure you, he’ll be back to finish those quarterly reports the very second it starts to rain.”

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