Thursday 19 July 2018 by Pete Redfern

Giant semi-naked statue of Jeff Goldblum to take over as PM due to overwhelming public support


Jeff Goldblum

Theresa May’s future as Prime Minister is looking even bleaker than normal today, after the installation of a statue of the actor Jeff Goldblum appeared in London and immediately garnered more public praise than has ever been sent her way.

The 10ft tall, 25ft long statue, which depicts the 90s heart-throb reclining with his famous chest exposed, has been so well received that it has been tipped to replace Theresa May in the case of a snap election.

Londoner Simon Williams, who saw the statue this morning whilst openly weeping for the future of his country on his commute to work as he does every day, told us, “I don’t know where this came from, but it is an absolute sight for sore eyes and a little ray of hope for all.

“I mean, who doesn’t love Jeff Goldblum? Who wouldn’t want to see him, or even a statue of him, in charge of the country?

“There is already a petition to make this statue Prime Minister, and there is even talk of a coup to forcibly put it into Number Ten and let it handle the Brexit negotiations.”

Bystander Christoper James agreed, adding, “Seeing a photo or semi-naked statue of Jeff Goldblum always takes me back to the mid-1990s, when all I had to worry about was whether my copy of Blur’s Parklife had got scratched.

“They were much happier times, probably because he was just so effortlessly cool and instilled a calm confidence into the world.

“Unlike some vicar’s daughters I could mention.”

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