Tuesday 17 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Security services ensure Trump’s itinerary suddenly includes open-top drive past Dallas book depository


Donald Trump Dallas visit

President Trump will be making a short-notice trip to Dallas this week.

Following a press conference in which the President basically declared he was a Russian sleeper agent, somebody in Donald Trump’s staff has made a late addition to the schedule.

“It’s perfectly normal to have a little jolly to Dallas, I don’t know why anyone is surprised,” said staff member, Simon Williams, hurriedly eating a piece of paper marked “CIA: Top Secret”.

“The President will take a drive past the Dallas book depository, mimicking the final route taken by President Kennedy and briefly stopping in the middle of the assassination triangle – I mean square, sorry – to take in the view.

“It’s going to be a lovely day out and absolutely nothing more than that. We might not even bother bringing the secret service with us, we are that confident of an uneventful trip.”

Newest member of the Dallas book depository staff, Dee Garvey Moswald, said, “It will be wonderful to watch the President drive past my new place of work through nothing more sinister than a pair of binoculars.

“Now, please leave. This entire floor is closed for maintenance.”

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