Tuesday 17 July 2018 by Oliver Price

Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France wins reinstated after Brexit revelation that cheating is fine


Lance Armstrong gets wins back

Former cyclist Lance Armstrong, who had seven Tour de France wins revoked in 2012 when his long history of doping was exposed, has had all seven wins reinstated.

The move comes after recent news of Vote Leave breaking electoral law with few consequences, and has left Tour de France officials with no choice other than to concede that cheating is ‘actually fine’.

Upon hearing the news that Vote Leave cheated their way into winning a historical referendum, Armstrong called up Tour de France officials to mount his appeal.

In an interview this morning, Armstrong said, “I called them up and said, ‘they haven’t had their win revoked, and they were much worse, they cheated a whole country, I just cheated on some drug tests’.

“It seems there’s one rule for politicians and another for sportsmen. Either all cheating is fine, or none of it is.”

However, some sports fans were unhappy with the decision to reinstate his wins, and chose to start a petition titled, “Lance Armstrong’s Cycling Ban Should REMAIN”.  This now 1 million strong group of signatories have started being known as Remainers.

When asked about the decision to reinstate Armstrong’s titles, long-time Lance Armstrong fan, Nigel Farage said that Armstrong “would have won without illegal performance enhancers, anyway.

“Everyone does this sort of thing, so what does it matter? They’re getting really desperate.

“They are bowing to the Remainer establishment to overturn a fair and hard-won result.

When asked if reports of Vote Leave breaking electoral law could result in the Brexit vote being invalidated, Farage said his position was the same.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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