Monday 16 July 2018

Weary nation prepares for yet another referendum after Theresa May categorically rules it out


Weary nation prepares for referendum

There is definitely going to be another referendum now that Theresa May has ruled it out, according to voters sick to the back teeth of this stuff.

“Oh Christ,” explained one London voter when told that Theresa May had categorically ruled out another referendum on Brexit.

“Did she say it won’t be happening this summer, or in the Autumn. I just want to book myself a nice holiday when the grim inevitability of another referendum raises its head.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think another referendum was even remotely likely, but then she went and said – definitively – that there wouldn’t be one. And now we all know that there definitely will be one.

“Why couldn’t she just stay quiet on the matter and leave us wondering and speculating, rather than speaking out to say ‘no chance’ and confirming it will definitely happen.”

Number 10 officials have been quick to clarify the prime minister’s comments, explaining that her definitely ruling out another referendum is very different from that time she ruled out another election.

A spokesperson said, “This is very different to back in the spring of 2017 when she said there definitely wouldn’t be another general election, and then called a general election three weeks later.

“It’s different in many ways, but most of all in that this a referendum and that was a general election, which is in no way a comparable event.

“The prime minister would refer you to her strong and stable track record of always being strong and stable, so when she says no referendum, there will be no referendum.”

As we go to print, bookmakers are refusing to take bets on there being another referendum “for the same reason we don’t take bets on the sun coming up tomorrow.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

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