Friday 13 July 2018 by Chris Ballard

Man dies horrible, violent death after reading cursed Friday 13th NewsThump article


Friday 13th

A man met a dreadful, gory demise after he read a NewsThump article which carried a terrible curse.

Simon Williams, 34, was browsing through social media hoping to see a few funnies as he drank his morning coffee.

He soon stumbled across a spoof news story with the headline, ‘Man dies horrible, violent death after reading cursed Friday 13th NewsThump article.’

It described how a man read a comedy news article about someone who died after reading a comedy news article.

Simon learnt about how, a few hours after seeing the article, this man supposedly popped out to get some lunch and died in a gruesome freak accident.

The article ended with the ominous phrase, ‘You will die today’.

The story was constructed in such a way that the reader was supposed to realise they were looking at the same cursed article and would suffer a similar appalling fate.

Simon soon moved on to read something else – it was a cute idea but wasn’t exactly the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

Later that day, as he took a lunchtime stroll to grab a sandwich, Simon was tragically killed in a freak accident. The details are too horrible to report but suffice to say intestines were involved as was a skipping rope, a traffic cone and a Bic biro.

The authorities have assured the public that Mr Williams died as a result of extreme misfortune and that any talk of a cursed article is, of course, utter nonsense – and anyone who believes such things is a complete idiot.

You will die today.

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