Tuesday 10 July 2018 by Arabin Patson

Nation stunned as man believes Boris Johnson resigned out of principle


nation surprised

Journalists have flocked to a quiet Lutterworth estate following reports that a man was telling his neighbours he accepted Boris Johnson’s resignation was a dignified stand for sincere beliefs and not just another self-serving power play for which other people would have to suffer.

Simon Williams, a retired bus driver who made the shocking comments at his local Tesco Metro, refused to talk to the media.

It was left to his wife Janet to explain why her husband was the only man in Britain not to recognise the resignation as just another underhand attempt by the tousled-headed Etonian to take over the Tory party.

She explained, “It’s not Simon’s fault. He’s got a short attention span so he only reads the first few sentences of the Daily Mail before he gets distracted by the telly.

“He’s also a decent person so it’s hard for him to understand that some people will never do anything if it doesn’t benefit them.

“I think Boris shook his hand once doing the EU referendum campaign and since then Simon won’t shut up about how Boris is a ‘bit of a card but a proper gent’.”

Mrs Williams admitted her husband’s naivety had previously strained their relationship.

‘It used to be much worse. UKIP, PPI, time-shares, Argos. You name it. If it was an obvious swindle he’d fall for it. Took me years but I finally got him under control.

“But then Brexit came along and every politician in the country was telling my husband he was capable of deciding hugely complex constitutional issues using his gut.

“He watches ITV in the daytime for fuck’s sake.”

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