Monday 9 July 2018 by Arabin Patson

The good times are over, says an inconsolable Michel Barnier following David Davis resignation


Michel Barnier upset at Davis resignation

Senior EU official Michel Barnier has lamented the resignation of the Minister for Exiting the EU, publicly stating that the SAS veteran was “the best opponent a professional negotiator could ever hope for”.

Sigmund Wilhelms, Communications advisor to Michel Barnier, explained that Mr Davis’ absence would be deeply felt by all members of the EU’s dedicated negotiating team.

“It’s easy to mock him for only showing up for 4 hours in 2018, but we have to remember just how much he allowed us to grow as people and achieve goals we had all but abandoned.

“Michel has been able to fulfill his lifelong dream to learn the cello. I’ve finished my PhD thesis. The people on the legal team have just come back from a life-affirming hike of the Inca Trail.

“With his unique work ethic and perspective on meetings, Herr Davis had single-handedly made this department the greatest posting in Brussels.”

Mr Wilhelms also explained that the sudden nature of the resignation would put the EU team on the back foot.

“It’s a smart move for the UK. Whoever is coming in next has a great advantage. Half of our staff are away on cycling holidays or restoring old windmills in the countryside. Now it’s going to be a scramble just to get them back.

“But we have hope. We’ve met a few of your Brexiteer MPs and we’re pretty confident that, before summer is over, whatever pompous loudmouth you appoint will be ignoring his job here and writing jingoistic editorials for the Daily Mail instead.

“And I can get back to fixing my sailboat.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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