Monday 9 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

‘It’s coming home’ chuckles Jacob Rees-Mogg, adjusting his ‘PM’ cuff links


Jacob Rees-Mogg says it's coming home

Jacob Rees-Mogg has appropriated a phrase for his own benefit.

Following the crumbling of Theresa May’s cabinet, which should cease to exist in anything other than your memory by this time tomorrow, Rees-Mogg marches around his office in his best suit singing ‘Rees-Mogg’s coming home’.

“He’s in annoyingly good spirits today,” confirmed Rees-Mogg’s secretary.

“He’s asked for his PM cuff links, his PM handkerchief and his PM tie, and for them to be delivered on his PM remote-controlled car.

“He’s quite picky, but I expected that. I wish he’d stop singing though, he’s quite tone-deaf.”

Rees-Mogg chuckled, “It’s coming home, and I don’t mean the soccer ball world mug.

“Moggmania is coming home, bitches.

“Prepare for the return of the chimney sweep, the workhouse and the metal lunchbox.

“Prepare for a policeman on every corner and proper, British sweet shops on every row, and prepare for the return of birching.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun – as long as you look and sound exactly like me.

“Getttttttt your monocles out for the lads,” sang Rees-Mogg.

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