Friday 6 July 2018 by Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt to receive birthday beats for NHS’ 70th Birthday


Jeremy Hunt

Nurses and doctors nationwide are queuing up to administer a dose of birthday beats to Jeremy Hunt.

Today marks the 70th anniversary of a national health service which Jeremy Hunt just can’t quite seem to destroy, despite his best efforts, and the vote swung overwhelmingly towards him in deciding who should take the birthday beats on behalf of the health service.

With tradition dictating that birthdays should be celebrated with a punch for each of your advancing years, Hunt has been nominated as the face of the NHS.

“Yep, gotta be Jeremy,” said Junior Doctor, Simon Williams, shadow boxing against the wall.

“But let’s be clear, it’s because he’s the Health Secretary and he is ultimately responsible for everything that goes on, which it means it should be him.

“It is absolutely not born of a desire from every single one of us to punch him until he is rendered unconscious.”

Nurse, Jay Cooper, said, “No, I’m not ashamed to be a male nurse, you prick.

“Anyway… yes, this is definitely the right decision. I think I might have actually voted twice. I’ve borrowed some knuckle dusters off my dad, who was a bit of a ‘character’ back in the day- and by ‘character’ I mean ‘east end gangster’.

“Funnily enough he is ashamed that I’m a male nurse.”

A spokesperson for Jeremy Hunt said “….erm, neither Mr. Hunt nor myself were ever consulted or even asked about this plan.

“That being said, I’m all in favour, and you can catch the slippery little cunt just outside Chequers this morning.”

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