Thursday 5 July 2018

Government finally recognises ‘right to die’ but only for 70-year-old health services


Jeremy Hunt NHS dead

The government has finally acknowledged the ‘right to die’, citing the example of a seventy-year-old health service that is no longer enjoying the quality of life it should be.

Despite being well-known traditional opponents of euthanasia, the current conservative government has admitted that there are exceptions to their position, particularly when those that need to die are a huge drain on the rest of us.

A spokesperson explained, “Sometimes you have to look at the life being lived, and it can make you think, maybe, just maybe, we’d all be better off if we just let it die and moved forward instead with a new, younger, privately funded health service that everyone will love just as much, in time.

“To those who say that you can’t replace the NHS, we would say ‘remember when you lost grandma and then you found Love Island and everything was OK again’. It will be just like that.

“You think you’ll be sad, and you might be, briefly – but then you’ll become infatuated by the next new shiny thing and forget it ever existed.”

When asked whether the death of the NHS would be a pleasant passing surrounded by friends and loved ones at a Swiss clinic, there was no consensus among those making the decision.

As one Whitehall source told us, “Though many of us were happy to show the NHS the final respects it deserves, Jeremy Hunt seemed content throwing it in a sack with some bricks and heading to the nearest canal.”

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