Thursday 5 July 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Daily Mail to refer to May and Merkel as ‘The Golden Girls’ or some shit like that


Theresa May meets Angela Merkel

Two of the world’s most powerful leaders are meeting today and the Daily Mail will be analysing their outfits.

Theresa May and Angela Merkel are meeting today to discuss Brexit and tomorrow’s Daily Mail will probably have the headline “Careful, Ladies!”

“I’m not sure if Theresa May’s colour palette is quite right,” said Simon Williams, a Daily Mail ‘journalist’ who has consistently dressed like shit since 1993.

“Neutral blue says ‘we are open to anything’ when she should be wearing a strong and stable dark blue.

“Merkel on the other hand…PHWOAR! Firey red. That’s my girl. No messing about from her. It’s a look that says ‘I’m getting my way’ in both business AND the bedroom.

“…why are you looking at me like that? Oh come off it, it’s just a bit of fun. Bloody thought-police.”

Woman, Elizabeth King, said “*sigh*…yeah.

“Maybe one day if I work really hard, I can get to a position of power high enough that some berk from the Mail will criticise my choice of shoes.”

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