Monday 2 July 2018 by Gary Stanton

Hot weather lettuce shortage ‘just the tip of the Iceberg’, claim experts


Tip of the iceberg

The current hot weather-induced lettuce crisis is really just the tip of the Iceberg, according to experts and half-arsed online satirists.

As temperatures hit thirty degrees in many parts of the UK, lettuce growers admitted the heatwave could spell the endive the line for the popular veg.

Green veg expert, Simon Williams, said, “For farmers and growers, the drought-like conditions represent a real kale of duty.

“Temperatures on a par with those in Athens are a disaster for home-grown fruit and veg. It really isn’t rocket science.”

However, critics accused Williams of using the crisis to promote a series of dreadful lettuce-based puns.

Mixed salad enjoyer, John Goodier, added, “Williams has been promoting salad-related wordplay for a number of years. It’s about time somebody gave him a dressing down.

“That said, lettuce hope there is an end in sight to the hot weather, otherwise it’s leeking pretty bleak for salad fans everywhere.

“By not taking this issue seriously, people like Williams have been extremely slaw to address the problem, which is now out of hand.

“Honestly, leaf it out Simon.”

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