Friday 29 June 2018 by Gary Stanton

Theresa May to field reserve team against Belgium in next Brexit fixture


Theresa May rotate for Belgium fixture

England will field a team of second-rate reserves throughout next week’s Brexit negotiations in Belgium, it has emerged.

Prime Minister, Theresa May, has finally bowed to pressure to rotate her squad of skilled negotiators after venturing so far into the process and coming back with fuck all.

Injuries have also been a factor for the prime minister. David Davis is expected to be “rested” after picking up a knock, while Liam Fox is said to be recovering from a dead leg.

May has acknowledged the need to maintain harmony and balance with the squad and many of the young Brexit hopefuls have been chomping at the bit for a spot of negotiating time.

May told reporters, “Many of the younger lads are just itching to get out onto the negotiating field to perform well and show what they’re capable of in front of the cameras.

“David has a small know, but he should be back in the squad for the Irish border match. He never performs for the full ninety minutes in any case.”

She continued, “I’m confident that if it does go to penalties again, we will definitely come out on top.

“The ones I’ve got lined up are forced repatriation of EU workers, tariffs on French cheese and withholding vital information on Islamist terror cells.”

However, the news has been welcomed in Belgium by the opposing team.

Belgian centre-forward negotiator, Guy Verhofstadt, added, “We have nothing to fear from these English amateurs.

“Their first team is utterly shite as well.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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