Tuesday 26 June 2018 by Neil Tollfree

No one gives a toss about your ten favourite albums, study reveals


ten favourite albums

A new study has revealed that no one gives a flying toss about your ten favourite albums that you posted to Facebook over the previous ten days.

Despite the care you took in collating the list and the flowery nature of the prose you wrote explaining why M-People’s second album means so much to you, the only reason anyone gives them more than a cursory half-glance is to see if you’ve nominated them to post their own ten favourite albums.

“Yeah, couldn’t give a toss about the music you’ve chosen to try and make you look good,” confirmed Simon Williams.

“A girl I went to school with really likes Screamadelica. I mean, so what? I like Screamadelica, everyone likes Screamadelica.

“Does she really think that she’s some sort of free-thinking iconoclast and everyone’s going to see that she likes Screamadelica and go ‘oh wow? Screamadelica, you say? One of the greatest albums ever made? And you like it? You’re brilliant, let’s be mates forever’.

“And don’t even get me started on the sort of people who then comment ‘What’s Screamadelica, I’ve never even heard of it,’ as if having zero cultural awareness is some sort of badge of honour in today’s society.

“I mean, clearly it is according to a lot of people, but we shouldn’t be celebrating that fact.

“It’s pathetic.”

The study estimates that the total amount of toss given to your ten favourite albums is roughly the same as the amount of toss given to Lembit Opik’s career.

Also, Screamadelica is overrated.

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