Thursday 21 June 2018 by Lucas Wilde

‘Don’t legalise cannabis, it damages people’ claims politician who will drink bottle of wine tonight


MP drinking red wine

A politician who won’t legalise cannabis will definitely enjoy a few cheeky snifters this evening.

Simon Williams, MP for Dickshire, made the comments in a press interview this morning when questioned on his views about the decriminalisation of cannabis.

“It’s jolly dangerous stuff, that cannabis,” said Williams, who has never tried cannabis in his life.

“It can turn a person into a monster, the kind of person nobody wants to be around, and it’s terrible for the health.

“Not like alcohol of course, that stuff is absolutely tremendous. Why, I couldn’t get through the week in parliament without at least four glasses of Malbec – that doesn’t mean I have a problem, mind you. I’m rich, and alcoholism is only an issue for tramps living under some stairs.

“Like my old Dad used to say, if you can afford it then you do not have a problem.

“Oh yes, I know what you’re going to say….’alcohol kills more people than cannabis’…but I’ve never known anybody who died as a result of drinking, so I’m afraid I don’t believe that’s true.

“If it hasn’t happened to me or my immediate social circle, then I’m sorry, but it doesn’t count.

“Charles Kennedy? No, I’ve never heard of him. The leader of the Lib Dems? Really? No. Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Cannabis user and supporter of decriminalisation, Tom Dixon, said, “I guess the government’s position is that drugs are just fine, as long as they’re drinkable and taxed appropriately.”

Simon agreed, “YES! You see! Tom gets it!”

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