Saturday 16 June 2018 by Chris Ballard

‘Why the f*ck do I bother?’ asks ignored little red man at pedestrian crossing


Pedestrian crossing red light

The red man at a pedestrian crossing is beginning to wonder just why the hell he bothers telling people not to cross the road when they obviously don’t listen to him.

“I’m here to say ‘don’t cross!’” he said rather angrily. “I’m RED for fuck’s sake! Does red mean ‘go’? Well, does it?!

“Look at my legs – look at how all together and not walking they are. What does that tell you?

“I’m not just here to remind you to look left and right before dashing over the road. I’m here to tell you NOT TO FUCKING CROSS.”

At this point, the little red man became quite forlorn.

He went on, “Nobody’s ever pleased to see me. If I suddenly pop up to say hello people tend to respond with ‘dammit’ or ‘for fuck’s sake.’ And then they effectively blank me by scooting across the road anyway.

“Frankly, it’s demoralising.”

Pedestrian Simon Williams said, “Look, I’m a busy man. I’m not going to just stand there like a lemon if there’s nothing coming.

“Little red and green men are very useful for unaccompanied minors but adults should be quite capable of crossing the road without being told what to do by lightbulbs.”

“Well that’s just typical!” fumed the little red man. “After all I’ve done to keep you safe!

“Maybe I should just piss off leaving you in the care of Mr ‘spreads his legs for a living’ Green. Let’s see how effectively he stops you being wiped out by a reckless twat on a moped.”

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