Friday 15 June 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Friend into football now


England fan really into Football now

A man has astonished friends by suddenly and unexpectedly appearing to be into football, according to reports this morning.

Simon Williams, an earwax manufacturer from Worthing, has previously only really expressed the faintest knowledge of Lionel Messi, but now the World Cup has started, is of the opinion that ‘Arsenal should sign that Cheryshev, he’s got that explosive quality they really need’.

“It’s weird, he’s got a wall chart pinned to his office door, a Panini sticker album on his desk and insists on talking to anyone who’ll listen about how it’s time an African nation got to the final,” said Gary Wright, a colleague of Williams.

“He bowled in this morning saying that final Russian goal was the best free-kick he’d ever seen, which is probably true because I’d imagine he’d only seen about four before that.”

Mr Williams’ wife was equally bemused.

“It’s ever so odd,” she said.

“I only found out that he was into football when he put something on Facebook saying how I was going to be mad at him spending the month watching football.

“I couldn’t give a toss, I actually quite like football. The only thing I’m cross with him about is him spending £150 on football stickers from Amazon.”

Mr Williams is understood to have opened an online betting account and has placed a one-pound bet on each of France, Brazil, Germany, Spain, and England to win the World Cup.

He has also downloaded the Guardian football weekly and the Football Ramble podcasts and intends to have some quite complex opinions about Argentina’s defensive capabilities in place by next weekend.

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