Wednesday 13 June 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Daring raid sees teenage thieves make off with £48m of cinema Pick ‘n’ Mix


pick and mix robbery nets £48

A heist akin to the Great Train Robbery has taken place at a local cinema after teenagers stole almost five kilos of pick and mix sweets.

Staff at The Movies cinema in Daventry were rushed by a gang of youths in ski-masks who scooped pic ‘n’ mix into several backpacks before dabbing their way out of the front door.

“They’re smart, very smart,” said Detective Chief Inspector Simon Williams, stroking his chin and surveying the scene.

“Your common criminal will go for the money in the tills, but these hoodlums immediately went for the more valuable cinema pick ‘n’ mix, which our crime scene investigators say has a street value of around £48m. They had clearly done their homework – well, some of it.

“They’ve even taken the really heavy giant gobstoppers, which aren’t easy to transport but are worth about a grand each on the open market.

“God knows what a group of teenagers will spend that kind of money on. Yo-yos and pogs, I would expect.”

Teenage criminal, Jay Cooper, said, “If those words are old-man synonyms for pornography and ketamine, then yes, that’s what we’ll be spending it on.

“I can’t believe we got away with it to be honest. I assumed they’d have armed guards on stuff this valuable. Mental.

“We even had to dump some of it on the way as there was too much, so some lucky bastard out there is going to find about £500k worth of candy bananas, chocolate raisins and flying saucers lying about in the high street.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: