Tuesday 12 June 2018 by EssBee

Parents ‘helpless’ to stop kids addicted to Fortnite seemingly unaware of how electricity works


Fortnite addiction

Thousands of parents across the UK have admitted that they are ‘losing their children’ to the newest craze, video game ‘Fortnite’, seemingly unaware how to switch off a games console.

Although the game runs on standard electricity, it seems that the game prevents parents from unplugging it and telling their little darlings to get on with their homework, leading to domestic disputes all over the country.

One mother told us today, “It’s dreadful, he is only nine years old but doesn’t even move to go to the toilet, so he sits in his bedroom in a puddle of his own piss, hour after hour, day after day and I am just at a loss at what I could do.

“I blame the game manufacturers, they are simply irresponsible.”

Another parent, however, disagreed, “My son used to be addicted to his phone all of the time, but he is ten now and has outgrown that.

He got bored with Internet execution videos and even I’ll admit that the porn gets a bit boring after a while, so I’m pleased that he’s moved onto something more sensible. How he laughs when he kills one of his friends with a machine gun and dances upon their dead body. His little face lights up.”

Game developers Epic, however, have ensured that the game carries an air of responsibility, by discounting the availability of knives as weapons in the current culture of knife-crime.

Spokesman Simon Williams told us, “We are well aware that the inclusion of knives, given the current crime levels in London would be irresponsible, so we have stuck to a selection of five assault rifles, four machine guns, three shotguns, a revolver, a hunting rifle, a pistol, a hand cannon, a mini-gun, two sniper rifles, a grenade gun and a rocket launcher. We are not idiots.”

It is thought that there will be a market for a series of copycat games in the future, unless game makers acquire a set of morals from somewhere or parents are somehow able to get the upper hand.

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