Monday 11 June 2018 by Chris Ballard

Baby receives effusive praise for burping, complains husband who doesn’t


Baby praised for burping

A six-week-old baby has received gushing praise for the simple act of passing wind orally, says a husband who claims to get a rather different response.

After a good old feed, Toby Williams was lifted on to his mother’s shoulder and patted on the back. Several seconds later he did a big burp and was consequently the recipient of an extremely high level of admiration and commendation.

“Good boy, there’s a good boy!” exclaimed Toby’s mum Sarah, “Oh, you’re so clever! That’s much better. Brilliant!”

It should be noted that this is just a small selection of the accolades heaped upon Toby’s small shoulders after the incident.

Toby’s father Simon is keen to point out the double standards in the household.

“When I burp it’s a very different story,” he said. “If any of my farts decide to take the elevator up my wife deploys an alternative set of phrases.

“‘Don’t be so fucking disgusting you animal,’ is a popular one, or sometimes, ‘If I wanted to live in a toilet I’d move to Merthyr Tydfil’.”

Simon complained that he often gets accused of doing it on purpose.

“Apparently Toby can’t help it whereas I ‘force them out.’ I mean, how do you even force out a burp? I couldn’t do it if I tried!

“Toby also gets applauded for shitting his pants. What do you think happens if I so much as guff silently during Coronation Street?

“I’ll give you a clue – it’s not a chorus of ‘That’s it, get it all out.’”

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