Sunday 10 June 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Various people to get Queen’s Honours for just doing their f**king job


Queen's birthday honours

In celebration of the Queen’s birthday, a variety of people are being honoured for just doing their f**king job.

As is traditional, the honours are divided between rich old white men and celebrities, all of which have turned up for work regularly for a period of time and, as such, they are deserving of a Queen’s honour, for some reason.

Ordinary people reacted with bemusement that we still go in for this sort of nonsense.

“Yeah, I mean, I like Emma Thompson as much as anyone,” said Simon Williams, an IT support technician at Tennant and Lowe Insurance, ltd.

“She’s brilliant at acting, which is her job.

“But, you know, I closed thirty-two support tickets on Friday and got a mouse out of the A4 paper tray in the big printer.

“I don’t see anyone giving me an MBE for services for IT support, printers or mice, because it’s just my f**king job.”

However, a spokesperson denied that the honours were purely awarded for just doing your f**king job.

“No, I think that’s an unfair accusation,” she said.

“Look at Mark Carne, head of Network Rail, he hasn’t really done his job at all and yet he’s still being honoured.”

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