Friday 8 June 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Chris Grayling announces plan to hope the trains sort themselves out


Chris Grayling hoping the trains sort themselves out

Chris Grayling, Transport Minister and twice winner of the UK’s Most Vacuous Man competition, has announced a major new plan to hope that the trains sort themselves out.

Just three short weeks after trains across the country went into meltdown, Mr Grayling has leapt into action and used all the power of his brain to come up with a solution to the situation.

“It has recently become apparent to me that transport entails trains, and that all the trains seem to have gone wrong,” said Mr Grayling, who was wearing his trousers the wrong way round due to ‘unforeseeable dressing issues.’

“Therefore, I’ve had a really big think about it, and I have concluded that the best solution is to really hope that everything sorts itself out.”

Mr Grayling went on to clarify that he wouldn’t be solely responsible for carrying out his new plan.

“My wife, Mrs Grayling, will also be hoping that everything sorts itself out, as will my children, who have various names, and the dog, who is a dog.

“Oh, and the chap in the newsagent, Mr Singh. Nice man, was ever so willing to hope it all sorts itself out.

“So, I think it’s clear that with all of us dedicated to really hoping everything sorts itself out then it can’t be long before the whole train situation is completely resolved and everyone can stop being horrid about me.”

It is understood that Number 10 intends to wholly endorse the plan and is considering implementing something similar for Brexit.

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