Wednesday 6 June 2018 by HappyToast

Morrissey releases meat-themed cookbook in attempt to alienate his remaining fans


Morrissey burger recipe

80s pop star Morrissey has today released a cookbook entitled “Steakhead – Meat isn’t murder, it’s delicious” in a desperate move to stop even his most ardent fans from liking him.

The notoriously vegan singer has taken the surprising steps after recent self-destructive announcements which saw him siding with Tommy Robinson and UKIP failed to kill off his career completely, something that he has apparently been trying to do for some time.

Launching the cookbook from a butchers shop in Dagenham, Morrissey took the gathered crowd through a few of his favourite recipes.

“Everyday is like Sunday Roast, is a traditional beef dish using only British beef, none of that foreign muck and certainly none of that Halal stuff that is everywhere you know,” he crooned.

“Irish Blood English Heart is an elegant meat repast that Oscar Wilde would no doubt have favoured, consisting of a young calf’s major organ in a black pudding sandwich.

“Although I’m sure he would have equally enjoyed ‘You’re the one for meat fatty’ which is a deep-fried burger in a lamb’s blood jus.”

The book contains dozens of full-colour images of Morrissey preparing and cooking the meat which he hopes will turn his vegetarian fan base’s stomachs and ruin any fond memory they had of The Smiths for good.

One Morrissey supporter who attended the launch in the hope of something quite different sobbed to us, “I’m struggling to believe it’s all a witty post-ironic snipe at the bourgeois media’s corrupting influence any more. Maybe he really is just a dick?”

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