Friday 1 June 2018 by Chris Ballard

Man wearing shorts realises how much urine routinely splashes over his legs


man using urinal in shorts

A man who donned a pair of shorts in the recent hot weather has realised with horror just how much pee splatters up from the urinal onto his legs during a normal toilet visit.

“My trousers must be absolutely reeking with piss,” said a shocked Simon Williams, “You can really feel the spray on your skin when you’ve got shorts on.

“Jesus, I normally go about a month before washing a pair of jeans – you could probably wring them out by that point!”

Bathroom analysts have pointed out that a mild shower of urine is inevitable given men’s socially conditioned habit of going ‘up against’ something.

“Sitting down to urinate is somehow seen as emasculating,” explained one such bathroom expert, “but when you’re aiming your hose directly at a hard porcelain surface then some of it is obviously going to ricochet, especially when you’re firing it out as quickly as possible.

“Don’t forget that liquids spatter in multiple directions so you’ll be sharing fluids with the chap standing next to you. In fact, our testing shows that the average pair of men’s trousers contains urine from approximately seventeen different individuals.

“This is incredibly embarrassing,” said Simon. “I normally pride myself on having good personal hygiene – I can’t stand guys who don’t wash their hands after reducing their worm to tears. And yet here I am, a rancid piss bucket on legs.”

Men have been advised to deal with this appalling sanitation issue by only wearing shorts when absolutely necessary and by trying not to think about it.

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